Bea Tusiani of Emotions Matter interviewed BPDFest21 featured speaker Anna Steinberg to learn more about her BPD recovery journey and Buffalo, NY based Bakery.

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Q: WHILE MANY OTHER SMALL BUSINESSES CLOSED DOWN DURING THE RECENT COVID 19 PANDEMIC, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO OPEN AND RUN YOUR OWN HOME-BASED BAKERY?

I think the biggest reasons why I was able to begin Borderline Bakery during the pandemic was because people wanted comfort in a difficult time (and let’s face it, carbs are comfort!) and I offered non-contact delivery. When people couldn't get to their favorite stores due to quarantining, I was able to provide that comfort food for them!

Q: WHEN CUSTOMERS ASK HOW BORDERLINE BAKERY GOT ITS NAME, WHAT DO YOU TELL THEM?

The name "Borderline Bakery" came to me when I had approximately 5 minutes to fill out the cottage-law registration form and stick it in an envelope before the mailman came! I honestly hadn't thought of a name prior to that moment. Before that point, I didn't even really know that I wanted the bakery to have a mental health focus, but when the name popped into my head, everything just clicked all at once.

Q: HOW DO THEY RESPOND?

Some people are initially confused when I let them know the name of the bakery but if there’s anything I’ve learned after being open about mental health, it’s everybody knows somebody with mental health issues, or they have them themselves. The response has been 99.9% fantastic! It's truly more common than people tend to think. Unfortunately, the stigma keeps so many people quiet.

Q: YOU WERE TREATED AT AGE 21 FOR MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, BUT IT WASN’T UNTIL 8 YEARS LATER THAT YOU LEARNED YOU SUFFERED FROM BPD.  HOW DID YOU REACT TO THAT DIAGNOSIS?

When I found out about my having BPD, I was initially scared, much more so than with my other diagnoses. But then I decided to do research into what BPD actually is. I was able to check off every single symptom as something I had or was experiencing. Once I read about the reality of BPD, I decided to embrace it as something that was part of me! Research was key. I realized why my bi-polar treatment wasn't "working" for me, and that was because BPD isn't managed or cured by medication like bi-polar is. Once I embraced CBT and DBT therapies, I noticed how much better my life, and once-strained relationships, had become.

Q: WHAT KIND OF SYMPTOMS DID YOU STRUGGLE WITH THE MOST?

The BPD symptom I struggle with the most would be fear of abandonment, with a second being impulsive behaviors. I have never planned a tattoo or piercing more than a couple of hours in advance, and definitely have trouble controlling my money.

Q: YOU HAVE SAID THAT BAKING IS SOOTHING AND RELIEVES STRESS. WHAT IS THAT EXPERIENCE LIKE?

For me, baking is soothing mostly because it's something I know how to do and I know that there is a right way to do it. It's almost mindless in a way. When I'm baking... kneading dough, forming bagels or twisting dozens of pretzels, my mind doesn't really have to be there, but my hands have something to do. On my long baking days a few times per week, I like to turn on a TV show to binge watch Schitts Creek or The Office and it's like my hands just know what they are doing.

Q: BESIDES BAKING, WHAT OTHER FORMS OF TRADITIONAL THERAPY HELPED YOU?

The therapy that has helped me the most has been dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT. Before Covid, I actually loved going to my group DBT sessions. I was so into it that I even bought the Marsha M Linehan DBT skills book to work on at home! I think the skill I've used most this past year has been Radical Acceptance. It was initially a hard concept for me to grasp, but over this past year I've used it to "radically accept" all that came along with the pandemic.

Q: IT APPEARS YOU HAVE ALSO EMBRACED THE ROLE OF MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE AS A FORM OF SELF THERAPY. HOW DOES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

I have always loved speaking up on the behalf of others. My whole goal is to create an environment where nobody is silenced by the stigma of mental health. I know that when I was initially diagnosed with all my mental health issues at age 21, it was not something I was encouraged to discuss. It wasn't until much later that even my own parents were okay with me talking about my mental health, although now they are my biggest cheerleaders in the fight to end the stigma. It helps me to know that there are so many others who have the same diagnoses as I do, but if I had been silent, I would never have known that. When I learned about my BPD diagnosis, I didn't know that I knew anyone with BPD, my only references were people in books and movies. And really, the media never really portrays BPD as a good thing at all! I want everyone to realize that although I have BPD, I'm not a "psychopath" or a murderer, I'm not out to hurt anyone. I'm just... me.

Q: THE ONE THING I COULDN’T FIND DURING THE RECENT SHORTAGE OF SUPERMARKET PRODUCTS WAS YEAST. ANY INSIGHT AS TO WHY THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION OF BREAD BAKING DURING THE LOCKDOWN?

Ohhhhhh the yeast shortage... I had been so lucky to find some right before the mad rush, and then I just bought in bulk online! But anyway... I definitely think it started out as being stress relief and something to do inside while people were quarantining, and then with the popularity of social media, it was turned into a fad! Everyone wanted to show pictures of their bread!

Q: RIGHT NOW, YOUR CLIENTELE IS LOCALLY BASED IN THE BUFFALO AREA. ARE THERE ANY FUTURE PLANS TO GROW THE BUSINESS?

Right now, I'll be staying in Buffalo. Due to Borderline Bakery being a home-based bakery (apartment-based, actually!) I have to follow strict New York State "Cottage Food Laws", which prohibit selling any of my products out of state! EVENTUALLY I would love to have a commercial kitchen, so I wouldn't have that issue. I could do so much more with a bigger oven and more room but for now, unless the law changes, I'm staying here :-)

Q: WHAT ADVICE TO YOU HAVE FOR BPD SUFFERERS WHO LACK CONFIDENCE IN THEIR ABILITIES?

I often lack confidence in my own abilities. Thankfully, I have an amazing support system, but I know not everyone is as lucky as I am to be surrounded with such amazing, supportive people. My advice would be to not overthink the negatives of what could happen, but instead overthink the positives of any situation. I'm definitely not always a positive person, and it's so easy to wallow in the negatives. But then I try to force myself to see the positive outcomes of something instead, and that can make a huge difference. 

BPD does not have to be a bad thing. My diagnosis has helped me flourish in my relationships with friends and family, in my business, and in my life. I honestly think that my life got 100 times better after I accepted it, because I learned so many of my negative behaviors throughout my life were a result of BPD. And once I learned, through DBT therapy, how to cope with those symptoms, life just became easier. We can be more creative with our BPD brain! We have more empathy than the average person. We know how to love deeply. We need to take that negative stigma and turn it right around. We are wonderful people, and we can't let that stigma define us.

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